I watched the footage maybe 4-6 times last night. I then drank a glass of wine and I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. I share those details because that isn’t my typical pattern. I just shut down. I don’t want to be silent yet I don’t know what words will do. I have a daughter and a son. I try to tell my children that they can call the police when they need help while knowing that this call could be a catch 22. All I have are my tears for our broken and sad world. Our country has a HEART problem-we either care too much or too little. I work in an industry-Higher education- where we want people to change the world, changes laws, change circumstances and change lives. The people who need this information, the people who need this heart change aren’t always the people who enter our spaces. What is the resistance to letting people live and breathe? What is the resistance to making sure that the person next to you or on your block has food, shelter, education, and safety? Where does the disregard for human life come from? I am not interested in being philosophical right now. I am interested in practicality. I am interested in serving lives, changing lives. I am interested in knowing that my daughter and my son can trust that people in helping professions will really help them. Our country needs a heart change. Our country needs to stop and look around at the lives lost, the tears shed, the families broken, the anger, the hatred. The anxiety I have each day when my children go to school is unbearable. The fear I have when our students travel that they will be murdered by a terrorist. I know it is systematic….but somewhere we have to start breaking down these walls, these systems, this power, this privilege. We have to engage in soul stirring dialogue which turns into action. Me and my white husband get real-we talk and I go in and tell him how i really feel. He asks me questions that would have previously pissed me off in a social justice training session but I can answer them out of love and respect and seeing his vulnerability. and sometimes I still get mad. I guess my point is…while I am mad and I feel lost, I want to do something to save our people, save this country we live in.

If I read another “‪#‎alllivesmatter‬” post, if I hear another parent say, “I’m teaching my child to not see color/be color blind….I will snap. Teaching your children about social identities builds awareness and ally ship. It creates healthy and welcomed curiosity. If I hear one more story about the parent who used chemicals or lemons, etc., to keep their children from getting darker…. This starts at home. Kids are not born racist. I have kids and they are curious. Until we realize that our words and actions influence others especially children we will continue to be lost and broken.

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